Entry One Hundred Nine:

I always forget the importance of vacations until I actually have one. I’m usually caught up in my day to day routine (saving, paying bills, planning for the future); sometimes stressed out of my mind, but sometimes not. What DBT had taught me is that I don’t take the time to self-reflect as much as I’d like to. I don’t always know how to relax, but when I stop overthinking it, that’s when I can truly enjoy the peace that comes with alone time.

This summer hasn’t been easy. I’ve struggled financially. I’ve struggled to care for family members. I’ve struggled to make progress when it comes to moving forward in my career and in my pursuit of further education. However, all these obstacles I’ve faced have taught me the importance of patience. I usually want to know the answer to things to badly, want to know how things will turn out that I don’t enjoy the moment.

This month has been all about learning what’s important. Correction: remembering what’s important because being put in a mental institution for a week gives you a new perspective on life. I continue to remind myself that I’m not in a race because I usually accomplish the goals I set out for myself, regardless of how long it takes to get there.

Entry Seventy:

I’ve learned a lot this past week and a half. I have learned that some people need someone to blame to feel more in control of their lives, even if this is a false sense of control and the fact that many things in life have nothing to do with blame. I have learned that some people are unreliable regardless of how many opportunities you give them to be there for you. The best thing to do is to provide for yourself and let the rest fall into place. People make choices and we might not like them, but we must respect them because that is a good way of respecting the person. It’s ideal for this respect to be reciprocal, but if it’s not then at least you can rest easy knowing you are being the best version of yourself that you can be at the time.

I have learned a lot about patience. It’s important to have an overabundance of it because it comes in handy during times of crisis. I have learned so much about asking for help. Growing up my mother drilled into me the importance of self-reliance and while there’s nothing wrong with that sometimes we need some help. We can’t do everything alone. Asking for help when you legitimately need it isn’t a sign of a weakness, it’s a sign of strength that you are able to recognize that something isn’t your forte, isn’t something you know or isn’t something you’ve ever done before.

Above all I have learned to live and let go of emotions that don’t help me reach my goals.